Misinformed
by Everon Prime
Summary: This is a little story that popped in my head, one of what might happen if the Decepticons were to be misinformed over a partial phone conversation they intercepted from the Autobots' human charges… I am now turning this into a random one-shot series. Beware my sometimes fragged up mind...
1. Misinformed

**This is my version of a crack fic. It's my first posting in 3****rd**** person, so I hope you like it!**

"Can I be the first to point out how utterly ridiculous this is?"

Ratchet harrumphed in a sound of agreement to the Autobots' femme two-wheeler, Arcee. Looking up a tall metal pole, he said, "I cannot believe that you agreed to this, Optimus."

Near the top of the pole, Optimus Prime hung to the side with surprising balance from the tall mech. "The risks were too high not to agree: the amount of energon Megatron was offering would fuel our team—"

"—For nearly a year. Yes, I am quite aware of that." He groans in irritation. "But what possibly possessed him to request _this_."

Ratchet gestured forward towards the site that unfolded before them. The field had been pre-cleared by the Decepticons, and the Cons had also set up multiple large metal poles, such was the one Optimus was now hanging off the side of.

The Autobots had been allotted a row of the metal poles, enough for each of them. Arcee was standing next to hers, looking at it as if it might bite her while Ratchet continued to stare at the others around him as if they had all lost their sanity, all while not even considering _touching_ his pole.

While Optimus hung from his pole with a sort of dignity only he could pull off, Ultra Magnus came in a close second, only being up because he was following Prime's orders. Bumblebee and Smokescreen were towards the end of the row, each goofing around and likely to fall at any minute, and poor Bulkhead sadly stared at his pole, trying to figure out how to climb it, while Wheeljack did his best not to laugh at large friend.

Opposite of the Autobots were the Decepticons with their own row of metal poles to climb. Megatron, hanging from one in the center, declared, "Today, I shall prove my superiority over you, Prime!" Giving a deep and evil laugh that rocked his frame, the warlord then announced, "My warriors shall crush yours at this challenge!"

As he announced this, everyone turned to a shrill scream from the Decepticon leader's right. There, Starscream laid groaning on the ground from his slipping and falling off the pole. Breakdown then began to laugh loudly and boisterously before falling as well, though he continued laughing. Knockout watched the pair with a bored expression as he casually clung to the pole. "I'm_ not _fixing those idiots." Megatron groaned, shaking his head at the sight while running his free hand along his face.

**Yeah, they seem **_**real**_** threatening…**__Bumblebee bleeped to Smokescreen who snickered and began to slip but caught himself with a slight yelp. Ultra Magnus glared at the two who promptly could be seen shutting up, with Bulkhead in the background futilely trying to shimmy up the pole.

Megatron growled before speaking again is his loud and booming voice. "We shall win this, Prime! Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!"

Breakdown had managed to pull himself back up the pole, and he looked over to Knockout. "Have you been downloading song lyrics into Megatron's hard drives again?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Knockout calmly replies before looking to the right at the silent mech on Megatron's left.

Soundwave had, instead of hanging from the side of the pole or clinging like Knockout, opted to stand on top of the pole, perfectly balanced with his hands casually clasped behind his back. He turned to meet Knockout's smirk and Breakdown's confused gaze before playing back Knockout's words._ "I have no idea what you are talking about."_ Then, a smiley face appeared on his visor while Knockout snickered and Breakdown shook his head.

"You know," Arcee announced. "As much fun as it is to watch you guys embarrass yourselves, maybe you could actually tell us what this ridiculous challenge is for?"

"Oh, Arcee," Airachnid purred as she twirled around her post. "You don't need to be so defensive just because you're too _scared_ to partake in this little challenge."

Arcee then began to growl at the spider femme. "I am _not_ scared!" To prove her point, Arcee quickly began to scale her pole, growling to herself about showing up that Con.

Ratchet huffed. "I can't believe that the only one other than me who has sense enough to not partake in this ridiculous thing is _Shockwave_."

Said mech stood casually to the side before speaking to the medic. "Our refusal is only logical. It would be illogical for someone of my build to partake in a challenge such as this, as such with someone of your age." The computer like mech was near immediately met with a wrench to his single optic before he was falling to the ground with a loud thud.

Wheeljack snickered. "Watch out for the Hatchet." He then ducked the wrench coming his way, a self-preservation instinct he had developed over his time at the base. Looking to Bulkhead, he said, "See! You're doing better—and you slide back down…"

Deciding to take back control of the situation, Megatron announced loudly, "Why are you so confused, Prime? We are merely trying to beat you at your game!"

"What are you referring to, Megatron? What is the point behind this whole challenge?" Optimus asked in a slightly confused tone.

Growling in frustration, Megatron yelled, "Don't play stupid with me! We intercepted clips from your human pets' phone conversations! We know about what you have doing!"

All the Autobots shared looks of confusion. What could the kids possibly have said that would lead the Cons to think of something like this? Casually, Ratchet said, "This is probably Miko's fault."

"HEY!" "Miko…SHH!"

All the Cybertronians turned their gazes to the bushes between the opposing row of poles but off to the side. After a bit of rustling, a familiar yet angry Japanese girl in a wild outfit came storming out, dragging an equally familiar teenage boy behind her, him grasping her wrist while futilely trying to hold her back with a young boy wearing large glasses ran after them, trying to keep up.

"Miko?!" Bulkhead yelped in surprise, falling back down the pole.

Wheeljack sighed. "You had almost made it to a decent height that time…"

Yanking her arm from the teenage boy's grip, Miko used the now free hand to jab a finger at the Autobot medic while placing the other hand on her hip. "You better watch it, Hatchet."

"Human!" Megatron yelled. The teenage boy, Jack, and the younger one, Raphael, yelped and jumped, but Miko crossed her arms in a bored gesture as she turned to stare at the Decepticon warlord. "Did you or did you not have a conversation about the Transformers being on poles?"

Cautiously, Jack asked, "What conversation did you hear, just to be clear?"

Megatron motioned to Soundwave who then turned on a video clip that was slightly muddled by static.

"…_called Transformers… on…poles_."

"_Well, excuse me…not being kept in the loop."_

"_Hey…the one who asked."_

"…_our Bots?"_

"_Yeah…name the military…uses for Cybertronians."_

"_Ha! Could…see them up on the poles? …wish…could see them dancing. …would pay for that!"_

"_Miko! Do you know how bad…I can't see them ever getting good…Especially Ratchet."_

Blinking, Miko and the two boys blinked in confusion, sharing a look before realization dawned on them. "So…" Miko began. "You called all the Autobots here to challenge them to _dance_… on _poles_… based off of a partial conversation you heard from us…" Megatron slowly nodded. The human kids looked at the warlord before looking at each other again.

And then they burst out laughing.

"Dude," Miko began as she doubled over laughing. "That was _not _the whole conversation!"

The Conversation:

"Miko, is there ever going to be a day where you don't have detention?" Jack asked as he and Raphael sat at his house, his phone sitting in front of them on speaker.

"The day they stop giving homework and forcing us to listen to lectures," she drawled back.

"So, basically when there is no more school?" Raf asked.

"This is why you're the smart one in our group," she responded as she gazed out a window of Bulkhead's jeep mode. He was currently in a deep conversation with Wheeljack, something about how Hatchet was eventually going to find out it was them who broke some tool, not Smokescreen. Seeing the passing scenery, she suddenly asked, "Oh smart one, what are these box things called?"

Taking a quick picture at a stoplight, she sent it to the pair. They opened the picture as Miko waited on the other end of the line. "Oh, those box things?" Jack said.

"They're called Transformers." Raf responded. "They're electrical boxes on telephone poles."

With a snort, she says, "Well, excuse me for not being kept in the loop."

"Hey, you were the one who asked," Jack snapped back.

Ignoring him, she said, "So, like our Bots?"

"Yeah, like the name the military informally uses for Cybertronians," Raf adds.

"Ha! Could you see them up on poles?" Miko asks. "I wish I could see them dancing. I would pay for that!"

"Miko! Do you know how bad they would be? I can't see them ever getting good at that. Especially Ratchet." Jack shuddered as he spoke, the others mimicking him.

End of Conversation

"The rest of the conversation is pretty pointless to this issue," she finished, grinning from ear to ear.

All Cybertronians present were silent, letting their words sink in. Then, Ratchet suddenly yelled, "Wait! Bulkhead! Wheeljack! You broke my scanner?!"

"Hey!" Smokescreen yelled. "I got extra patrol duty for that!"

Megatron just hung from his pole, slack jawed. "So… this is not a skill that the Autobots have been practicing…"

"Nope," Jack responded.

"Then why were you talking about dancing on poles?" Ultra Magnus asked curiously.

"Dudes," Miko interjected. "Google it."

There was a momentary pause as all the Cybertronians, both Autobot and Decepticon, appeared to be staring off at nothing in particular. Then, as each had a ping of the result engine come back to them, resounding responses came from them.

"Oh, frag no!"

"That's what humans like to watch?!"

"Why is this man taking off his coverings—No, nope, not happening!"

All the Cybertronians jumped off their respective poles and moved away from them as if they were about to explode, even Soundwave. Megatron ended up backing up into Optimus, and the two spun to meet each other's gaze awkwardly.

Clearing his throat, Megatron said, "We never mention this again." The Prime actually smirked, but before he could speak, Megatron said, "I will tell about the incident in Techron!"

Visibly paling, Optimus quickly announced, "Mention what?" After Megatron gave a swift nod and turned to storm away, Optimus turned and hurriedly approached his men. "Let's move: now!"

"Sir," Ultra Magnus began. "What happened in—"

"Not. A. Word." Noting the serious glint in the Prime's optics, Magnus nodded in agreement as Optimus moved on past them.

Shuddering, Knockout says in a disgusted tone, "Humans are absolutely horrid characters. This is just as bad as their interfacing!"

"You know," Miko drawled out. "Knockout kind of sounds like a stripper name."

Knockout's optic twitched while Breakdown muttered, "Uh oh…"

Jack and Raf along with their respective guardians as well as Airachnid and Breakdown watched together as Knockout chased after Bulkhead, both in their vehicle modes while Bulkhead tried to keep the cursing Decepticon medic from his charge. "So…" Jack began. "How long do you think this will go on?"

The army green jeep and crimson red Aston Martin zoomed past them. Casually, Breakdown responded with a shrug, "Till KO calms down." They zoomed past coming from the opposite direction. "Eventually."

Airachnid snorted from where she stood next to Arcee. "I would have done better then you."

Matching the spider femme's snort, Arcee responds, "For once, I don't give a frag if you win at something." The pair zoomed by again.

Jack's phone buzzed. Answering, he said, "You know, Miko, you make it a habit to get yourself in trouble." A pause. "Wait: when did you get pictures of everyone?"

Bulkhead soon found himself being chased by several Cybertronians, both Autobots and Decepticons, all after his charge and her cell phone.

"I don't think this is what Optimus had in mind when he says he wanted both factions to get along and work together," Ratchet comments to Shockwave as they watched casually from the side.

"Agreed," the Cyclops mech responds. The group zoomed back by, multiple grounders and seekers chasing the poor Wrecker. Then, after a pause, Shockwave responds, "Is it logical to assume that I was not the only one to take pictures other than the human female?"

"Pit yes. Look at this angle I got on Starscream."

**This all started from a conversation with Graceful-Kuja. She mentioned the transformers on her telephone poles, and it took me a bit to realize that she meant electrical boxes.**

**Also, after her asking if she could ask me something, I say sure, thinking it might be something serious or story related. Instead, she sends this:**

"**I've been wondering this for awhile, but the head injury is making me voice it now... Am I the only one that thinks Knock Out sounds like a name for a male stripper?"**

**After my momentary O_O moment, I had to agree with her. So, I put it in, along with whatever other slag popped in my head. (also, her head injury was just a minor cut: nothing serious)**

**So, let me know what you think! I might write more crack fics if this little one-shot does well. ^w^**


	2. The Real Reason

**So… I have had a lot of people liking my one-shots, and due to some requests and suggestions, I am turning Misinformed into a one-shot series. I'm just going to update this as inspiration hits me, so hopefully as often as possible.**

**This chapter is one I already posted, but I'm just adding it into this one. I'm also posting a new one tonight with this.**

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><p><strong>Okay, so…. My first one-shot went amazing, which has led me and boredom to write another slightly shorter one based off of a pic Graceful-Kuja told me about...<strong>

**This one is even more crack then the last...**

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><p>If you are reading this right now, you are probably a fan of Transformers. That, or you are some random internet surfer who has stumbled upon my random piece of writing, which in that case, I am about to confuse you… But I digress.<p>

So, to all the Transformer fans, no matter which story line you watch, you should probably know the generic idea for why the war began on Cybertron: Megatron was a big-bad gladiator turned politician, Orion was the little data clerk fan boy of Megatron (well, brothers sort of, but he always seemed fan boy to me), Megsy wants to be Prime, Orion becomes Prime instead, Megsy basically disowns Orion-now-Optimus, and then the war begins. If you are the random internet surfer dude, if you aren't confused by now, you will be in a second.

BECAUSE NONE OF THIS IS TRUE.

This is the result of the war propaganda trying to amp up either faction and make their leaders appear intimidating and or worthy of a following. The _real_ story is one of even greater betrayal, and an even deeper rivalry between the opposing faction leaders.

Ladies and gentlemen, femmes and mechs, I give you the _real_ cause of the War for Cybertron:

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><p>The auditorium was full of various Cybertronians of all shapes and sizes. The steady buzz of conversation eventually died away when a familiar figure stepped on stage. Scanning the crowd, the tall mech eventually began to speak.<p>

"I would like to thank everyone who came out today to help cheer on the fine Cybertronians competing with us!" Offering a plastered on smile, Sentinel Prime waited for the applause to die down. "And now, would Alpha Trion please come to the stage to announce the decision of our esteemed judges, the High Council!"

Everyone applauded as Sentinel left and a new mech, one equally as tall but more elderly yet regal. Alpha Trion gave the applauding crowd a light wave before speaking. "First, may I say that the competition this eon were all wonderful, and I would like to congratulate each and every one of them."

Another round of light applause, and then he spoke again. "And now for the results." Silence enveloped the room as a light drum roll began. "And now, the winner of the 57,924th Little Miss Cybertron Pageant is… ORION PAX!"

Loud cheers erupted through the room as the contestant was pushed out onto the stage, a perfect look of shock on his face. The red and blue covered his face in shock before rushing over to the center of the stage, his red tulle dress bouncing as he went. Once he reached the center stage, he stood looking like a cross between wanting to be jumping with joy and crying in happiness.

As Sentinel came back on stage, carrying the winner's crown and bouquet of cyber-roses, he announced, "Congratulations! You have now one the title of Optimus Prime!"

The crown was placed on his head, and then, a new voice rose above the others, yelling as the shock finally left his frame. "_WHAT!?"_

Storming on stage, his purple toned tulle dress flowing at his sides, the angry contestant yelled, "How could you pick _him_ over _me_, Megatron?!" He huffed and scoffed, waving his arms around. "_I_ deserve the crown. _I _deserve to win! Me, not _him!_"

"Megatronus…" Optimus says lightly under his breath, trying to still smile for the crowd. "Don't embarrass yourself—"

"Embarrass _myself_?! You wouldn't have known a _thing_ about what to do in this pageant if hadn't of taken you under my wing!" he snapped, glowering at Orion-now-Optimus. "_I_ am the only reason you know _anything_! That crown is _mine!_"

The new winner could seem to be getting upset and slightly angered by this point. Turning to Megatron while placing a hand on one hip and waving off the purple dressed mech with a scoff. "Glitch, _please_."

Huffing in indignation, Megatron then whipped his arm out, slapping Optimus across the face. A collective gasp could be heard through the crowd, and the shocked new Prime soon grew angry.

This resulted in a full blown slap fight between the two mechs.

The crowd began to yell, a few appalled by the scene, but most cheering on one or the other of the two mechs. From next to the slap fight, Alpha Trion was attempting to break up the two while Sentinel slowly backed away. The two mechs just continued to slap each other, each of them yelling in squealing voices, "Stop iiitttt!", "No you stop iiiitttt!"

A gasp came from back stage, and Starscream came running out on stage. "Don't you dare ruin that dress! I spent hours making it perfect—AACK!"

Starscream, Megatron's stylist, had been tackled by Orion-now-Optimus' stylist, Ultra Magnus. "Don't even think about it, you last season heeled twerp! You will NOT be getting anywhere near his dress! _I _actually made that dress! You bought Megatron's from that tacky little dress shop!"

Whipping his head around momentarily, Megatron yelled, "He _what?!_" Turning to look at Optimus one more time, he shouted, "You have _not_ heard the last of me! You will pay for this!" With that, he stormed off, grabbing Starscream by his foot and dragging him along with him.

The war began the next week after Megatron had a few days of crying and eating excess energon ice cream while watching the Golden Girls.

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><p>"So, do you think the readers will believe this?"<p>

The girl next to me shrugs. "Dunno, but As long as this gets posted, I'm a gay GK."

…

"FUDGE I MEANT HAPPY."

I can't help but laugh, but that's when I hear a knock at my door. Going to it, I open without looking and say, "Okay, that pizza is late and free— HOLY FRAGGING PRIMUS!"

GK comes running to the door, yelling, "Wait, are those goats in my garden again— Well, HELLO." Her jaw then went slack just as mine did as we stare out the door at two of the _last_ people—_beings_— we ever thought we'd meet.

The first began to speak, but I blurt out, "Are you really here? This isn't a part of my overactive imagination is it? Cause I can get really weird around 2 am when I've had too much Mountain Dew—"

"Quiet, insect!"

Jolting, I yell, "Yes, Lord Megatron!"

"Ev…" GK starts. "Optimus Prime and Megatron are at your door…."

Snapping, I say, "I can _see_ that!"

"Okay…just checking…" That's when I hear a thud behind me.

I turn and look to the now unconscious authoress and sigh. "Aren't _you_ a lot of help…" I turn back to the two faction leaders who were glaring at me and say, "So…. Ten bucks says you don't like my one-shot."

"We are not quite fond of it…" Optimus began.

"Delete that Primus forsaken post now, or so help me!—" Optimus then began to hold the back the warlord.

"This is not going to help the situation—"

"HELP?! I should throw this glitch in a smelting Pit!—"

"That shall not aid in our goal—"

"Do you have ANY idea what this has done to my reputation?! I can't even walk around my own ship!—"

"You do not have to deal with the twins! Sideswipe and Sunstreaker will NOT let this go! So do NOT lecture me about… Where did the human go?"

Sticking my head out the side window of Jazz's vehicle mode, I yell, "You will never get me alive!" before he takes off, driving away from the stunned leaders. Settling back into the seat, I say, "Man, _that_ was close."

"Uh… Ev?" Jazz asks hesitantly. "Where's GK?"

After a moment of a blank look crossing my face, I yell, "Oh, frag it to the PIT!"

Then I say, "…She can handle herself, right?"

Looking back out the window, I can vaguely see GK waking up to the two leaders staring at her, before she gets up and starts running after us, yelling, "YOU GLITCH FACES! GET BACK HERE!"

"Should we go back?..." I ask Jazz.

"Eh, let Knock Out save her," he said casually. "He's the one she wrote the fragging story about."

"…Yeah, she's screwed…"

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><p><strong>Okay… like I said… pure crack. I really need to actually work on my story chapter...<strong>

**Anyway… TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! PLEASE?!**

**Thank you.**


	3. Boredom

**As a little author's note, I would like to say one thing:**

**GK! I blame you for why my chapter isn't getting done! You breed PLOT BUNNIES!**

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><p>Walking down the hall of the Nemesis, Knockout breathed out a tired sigh. He was bored.<p>

Extremely bored.

And that was never a good thing.

Normally, he would be fixing Vehicons or Starscream (Megatron breaks him nearly every day, so he got to see Screamer's _lovely_ face _every_ day). Unfortunately, he didn't have anyone to fix. Then, he would normally pester Breakdown, but he couldn't even do that! Breakdown was off on Earth, fighting that lug head Bulkhead or something. _I did _not _mean to make that rhyme… Bulkhead the lug head… Oh Primus, I am losing my mind…._

Shaking his helm, he continued along the hallway. He could be down on the surface with Breakdown, but he had opted to stay, not wanting to risk his paintjob. That was before knowing he had _no_ patients and _nothing_ to do…

He sighed in exasperation, about to yell some profanity, but then he noticed a sound from down the hallway. It seemed intriguing, so he decided to investigate.

Silently approaching a doorway, he heard the faint sounds of a pulsing hum. His optic ridges scrunched together. _These doors should be practically soundproof…._ Leaning closer, he tries to make out the sound, but its muffled. Deciding to throw stealth out the window—Because honestly, who expects Knockout to be stealthy?— he simply pressed the button on the side of the door to see what was inside.

He could feel his optic begin to twitch at the sight.

"_~Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind… Hey Mickey! Hey, hey, hey Mickey! Hey, hey!~"_

Knockout stared, slack jawed at the mech before him who continued to dance and sing along to this Primus forsaken Earth song, completely unaware of the audience.

"_~Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand. You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand.~"_

The mech swung his hips, optics closed as the music continued to blare on.

"_~Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand. It's guys like you Mickey.~"_

Knockout stood in shocked and stunned silence. But what could he say?

"_~Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey.~"_

It's not everyday that someone stumbles across their gladiator warlord singing a feminine Earth song while dancing and swinging his hips.

"_~Don't break my heart, Mic—~"_

This was the point where Megatron had turned and saw Knockout standing in the doorway. They both stared at each other for a while, the song still playing, before the warlord finally made a sound, soon followed by Knockout.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

The screaming still going on, Megatron quickly turned and shot the poor speaker system to his side with his plasma cannon. Both mechs stopped yelling and stared awkwardly.

"So….." Megatron began.

"So indeed…" Knockout continued.

Another moment of silent staring. "What do you want—"

"I'm going racing," Knockout responds bluntly. "Actually, I'm going racing whenever I want for the next three months."

"Agreed."

More silent staring. "Well then," Knockout begins. "I guess I will be going."

"That would be wise," Megatron agrees, still too embarrassed to threaten him.

Knockout begins to walk away, but just before he leaves, he adds with a sly smirk, "By the way, _my Lord_, you have _wonderful_ hips."

Laughing to himself as he walked away, Knockout couldn't stop thinking of the look of shock on the warlord's face before he fainted on the floor.

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><p><strong>I am sooooo fragged in the head. I blame you, GK.<strong>


	4. The Incident in Techron

_**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**_

**I'M FINALLY UPDATING THIS~!**

**This is a request from Dragon Scouter! Its starts out storyish, but the crack comes in towards the end!**

**I also have a request from ThemSoundwaves, but I am trying to work out some kinks in it.**

**Also, I have another one in the works from yet another strange conversation with GK. **

**So yeah, I'm going to be busy for a while….**

**ON TO THE STORY~!**

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><p>Back during the end of Cybertron's Golden Age, before the warring factors had formed, there were two Cybertronians who were brothers to each other in everything but blood. No one calls another his brother without having faced trials and tribulations together, each showing their loyalty and friendship to the other.<p>

Including helping the other out of…embarrassing…situations.

This particular incident happened in the city of Techron. The elder of the two brothers had a gladiatorial match scheduled within the city, and he had convinced his younger friend to accompany him. The younger, though hesitant, followed his friend after some goading.

So, after the elder one had won yet another match, retaining his undefeated status, he decided that the pair celebrate, dragging his slightly reluctant younger brother to a well spoken of bar in the lower districts.

"Come now, Orion. I know very well that you are not vain like the rest of the upper levelers," the elder commented while he literally dragged the younger, stumbling mech along by his arm, completely unaware of his friend's struggles. "Why so reluctant to join me in a celebratory drink?"

"Of course that is not an issue, Megatronus," Orion responded, having finally gained a decent pace to keep up with the larger, older gladiator. "It's more the drinking part that I'm hesitant about."

Megatronus laughed. "Don't tell me you have never drank before?" He said it in jest, but one look at Orion's nervous and slightly embarrassed face, and he stopped walking, staring at Orion with a dumbfounded look before he continued by saying, "By Primus, you never have, have you? What do you archivists even do for fun?"

Orion shrugged. "We read. Or at least, I do."

With a scoff, the gladiator resumed his brisk pace, grip still locked on Orion's arm. "Well, just stay with me. I will make sure you enjoy your first night of drinking. It shall be a night to remember!"

Hesitant but unwilling to back down, Orion followed after him loyally just as any little brother would do when their older brother told them to follow. Soon, they were at the bar, run down with some name on the sign overhead, but so run down from the years that the name was long gone. Normally, this looked like the place to avoid, but if you listened and looked through the grimy windows, your opinion might change.

Never once hesitating, Megatronus dragged Orion straight to the door, striding in with confidence and only releasing the young mech's arm once they stepped inside. The bar was packed from wall to wall, filled with intimidating mechs, some recognizable from the match earlier that day.

All optics fell on the pair, and at first, everyone was quiet, and Orion feared a fight might break out. It wouldn't have been the first time with his intimidating friend. Then, someone in the back yelled, "Long live the king of the Pits!" chorused by the entirety of the bar yelling out, "LONG LIVE MEGATRON!"

Joyous and drunken laughs filled the air, and Megatronus smirked to himself before looking to his brother and heartedly hitting him upon the back. "Let's enjoy tonight, shall we?"

Soon, the pair were seated at the bar, and Megatronus had seen to it that Orion had a cube of high grade in his hands. It wasn't an overly strong brew, but it was enough to make the inexperienced mech cough and sputter a bit, to which Megatronus laughed heartedly.

Eventually, their brotherly banter morphed to Megatronus getting into a serious discussion with a seeker trine. After some political debating, they switched to casual conversation, he and two of the trine members nursing their cubes of high grade.

"You know," Thundercracker commented. "Never knew the infamous gladiator had a brother, let alone one who is an archivist."

The silver mech laughed lightly. "Ah, Orion is a friend whom I took under my wing. He is a brother in anything but birth."

"Speaking of the mech," Starscream commented. "Where did he go?"

Taking another drink, Megatronus commented, "I think your trine member, Skywarp was his name? Anyway, he wanted to show him something."

The two seekers visibly paled and looked nervously to each other and uttered, "Oh no…"

Sensing their concern, Megatronus became suddenly serious. "What has happened to my brother?"

"We should find them…" Starscream said nervously.

With a more serious tone, Thundercracker stands and adds, "We should find them _now_."

They didn't have to go far. In the back corner of the bar, a table had been set up, multiple energon cubes set up, both empty and full, all strewn in various directions while several mech crowded around cheering someone on.

Skywarp leaned back against the wall, grinning at a scene they couldn't quite see. His gaze caught on the approaching gladiator and his two trine brothers, and his grin grew as he waved to them. "Hey, there you all are! I got bored listening to the politics, so I decided to loosen Mr. Librarian up."

Megatronus began growling and strode to the purple and black mech. "What did you do to him? Where is he?"

Holding his hands up in mock surrender, a grin still balancing on his face, Skywarp responds, "Hey, easy. You're friend needed to lighten up, so I got him a higher grade. Didn't take to it so well at first, but now…" He looked to the side, and as the three followed his gaze, they all couldn't help but let their jaws drop.

At the center of the crowd was Orion Pax, the quiet little archivist from Iacon. But now, he was currently engaged in a drinking contest, chugging the contents of of his high grade while the crowd cheered him on and his opponent struggled to keep pace.

Within a few moments, he slammed the now empty cube back on the table, and victoriously yelled while the crowd cheered with him. He no longer appeared shy or withdrawn in the group: he now controlled the group's energy, and he moved to stand on top of the table, swaying slightly in his intoxification. Once making it up top and finding his balance, he thrusts both fists in the air and gave another cry of victory.

"By the Allspark…" the dumbfounded gladiator spoke in awe.

Then, Starscream muttered, "_This_ is why you should worry about the quiet ones…" Megatronus growled, and Starscream stuttered, trying to backpedal. "Well…what I mean is—"

"MEGATRONUS!" The gladiator turned to his yelling brother just in time to see him flying through the air from jumping off the table, effectively tackling the older mech to the ground, who simply laid there, stunned. Orion proceeded to stand on top of the dazed gladiator's chest, and looking at his stunned audience, he yells, "one shall stand,ONE. SHALL. FALL!"

The silent room burst into cheers.

"Oh for the love of…. ORION, GET OFF ME!" The drunken mech stumbled off of his brother, who quickly moved to get off the ground. "Alright Orion, we are going back to the ho…tel…." He scanned the room and all of the drunken faces around him before yelling, "WHERE IN THE SLAG DID HE GO?!"

Everyone in the bar pointed in a different direction, leaving the gladiator to groan in exasperation.

* * *

><p>Once he had fully determined that Orion was no longer in the bar, Megatronus began his quest to find his younger friend in the large city of Techron. Which at first, he thought would be harder to do, that was until he realized he could simply follow the trail of chaos he left in his wake.<p>

First, it had simply been asking random Cybertronians if they had seen a red and blue mech wander by, and follow the directions they gave. Then came the first incident.

Asking a seemingly harmless older femme, hunched over and using a cane to help her along, turned out to be the wrong move. It ended with the gladiator being beat with her cane the minute he described Orion, her screaming about him running off with her basket.

The next incident had been the scene of several mechs yelling at each other, the lights from the driving intersection gone and all of them either dented from crashing into each other or screaming about needing to be somewhere.

The third had been about some graffiti on a wall: an unknown mech had somehow stolen the work crews paint supplies and used them to paint….things… on the wall.

This story is staying at a 'T' rating, so I shall leave it to your imagination.

Anyway….. Megatronus was wandering a random alley, muttering to himself. "Now where did that little drunken Pit-spawn go?" He was near his wits end. His pedes were covered in paint, his eardrums ringing from all the screaming grounders he had to try and question, and that little old femme could pack a hell of a swing…

Unbeknownst to him, his target was closer than he thought. Up above him, a drunken Orion was having a very hard time trying not to laugh. He found it oh so funny to follow his frustrated brother along as he tried to find him. Unfortunately, he couldn't contain his giggles, leading the confused Megatronus to look up and spot him.

"ORION!" he yelled in agitation. "Get your aft down here, now!"

Still too drunk to realize how close his brother was to strangling him, Orion simply yelled, "NEVER!" Then, moving quickly to stand from his crouched position on the roof, he added something random that popped in his head. "AUTOBUTTS! ROOOOOOLL OOOOUUUUTTTT—GAH!"

That's the point when Orion promptly fell off the roof to land at Megatron's pedes.

Not the slightest bit concerned about his brother's fall, Megatronus crossed his arms over his chassis and just looked at the groaning Orion. "I hope that phrase doesn't catch on…."

"Megsy…." Orion groaned, face still in the ground. "I don't feel so good…."

Megatronus sighed. Leaning down, he picked up the younger mech effortlessly and carried him over his shoulder. "Come on, Orion. I will take you back to your room." He then began to walk out of the alley, his brother silently hanging limply over his shoulder."I'm tempted to put a tracking chip in your butt."

"Okay, Megsy." Megatronus sighed, not bothering to stop the nickname and letting the silence fall again.

"Megsy?"

"Yes, Orion?"

"Can you lead the Autobutts with me?"

"….sure Orion. Whatever you say."

"Okay." Silence. "Your butt looks better than mine anyway."

"Orion, I am never taking you drinking again."


	5. What

**Its been _forever_ since I posted in this story...**

**For once, a crack fic that **_**isn't **_**inspired by GK or, more recently, Misty. **

* * *

><p>"Soundwave! You buffoon, how hard is it to hack an insolent little human's hard drive?!"<p>

Though he never paused in his work, Soundwave could not help but internally groan. Starscream had been harassing him ever since Megatron had left the room, and the loyal Third in Command did not wish to bother his Lord with such a trivial matter as Starscream's insolence. But, sadly, the petulant child of a Second in Command was not the only thing bothering Soundwave—

"Geeze, Screamer. Do you ever stop _whining_?"

Growling, Starscream yet again turned his impatience to one of the three glass tubes off to the side. "I would remember, fleshbag, who holds your fate in his hands."

Miko Nakadai, the Japanese exchange student and resident wild child, placed a fist on one hip as she jutted it out to the side. With an evil smirk mixed with a mocking tone, she countered, "Who? You mean _Megatron_? As in, the giant gladiator who would beat the scrap out of you if you killed one of his Autobot hostages?"

Irritation clear on his face, he leaned in close and stated in a threatening tone, "Do _not_ underestimate me. I can _easily_ find another insignificant human to replace you."

Laughing, she added in a sinister tone, "You _really_ want to risk it, Mr. High Heels?"

"Miko!" That was the young teenage boy, Jack Darby. The closest thing to a leader that the motley group of humans the Autobots had collected. He had been waving his arms and gesturing to Miko constantly during there time here to try and get her to stop pushing her luck.

Unfortunately, she does not listen to her leader as well as Soundwave listens to his.

The bickering continued, each actin like misbehaving sparklings as they threw insults back and forth. Eventually, Jack gave up trying to stop Miko and instead turned his attention to the last of the hostages, the young Rafael Esquivel.

Keeping his voice down, though Soundwave could here every word, Jack whispered, "Raf? Can you see what they are doing with your laptop?"

Keeping his voice low as well, he spoke to the older boy while keeping his eyes trained on Soundwave. "He is _definitely_ trying to hack it. But I think my mixing Cybertronian and human coding is making it difficult."

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT YOU PATHETIC LITTLE—"

"I'd watch your language, mister," Miko mock scolded Starscream. "I mean, we _are_ children."

Watching the scene, Raf added, "And there might be other factors…"

Getting fed up with the bickering, Soundwave resorted to cruel to rid the room of unwanted distractions. Cueing up a familiar sound, he started up the room's speakers and began to play it. With a confused look her face, Miko asked, "Is that—"

"GAH!" Starscream shrilly screamed. "MAKE IT STOP." One optic twitching, he bolted from the room, running into the door before it fully opened, then scrambling out and down the hall, screaming all the way.

"…the… chicken…dance…." Her words were even more confused and shocked as the three humans stared at the door as it slowly closed behind the terrified Second in Command. "I don't even want to know the back story behind _that_."

Finally satisfied, Soundwave returned to his work, having almost decrypted one of the files. Just as he was entering the last key strokes, none other than Knockout came strolling in. "So… finally used that ridiculous Earth song to get rid of the afthead?" No response, which Knockout realized he should have expected. Then, a sudden ping came from the moniter, and he decided to be nosy about Soundwave's work. "Finally! Let's see what you found!"

Standing right next to Soundwave as he opened the file, the contents didn't seem very interesting. Just random things about the computer, all seemingly dull, until one particular thing caught Knockout's gaze.

"What. The. Frag."

"Umm…" Rafael spoke up. "I hope they didn't find anything important—"

"WHY IN THE NAME OF UNICRON," Knockout exclaimed in a disgusted manner, "DO YOU HAVE A FILE LABELED 'HUAMN INTERFACING DEVICES?!"

Confusion passed over Rafael's face. "Oh, that? Its just a feature on my laptop."

"Yeah," Jack added in a bored tone. "Nearly _every_ human computer has one."

Knockout and Soundwave stared at the humans in utter horror and disgust, leading Miko say, "Dudes, its _just_ interfacing. I mean, come on! Its not even that bad. Heck, even _I_ could show you how to, but I will need Jack or Raf to help me—"

* * *

><p>The Autobots exited the groundbridge just in time to see Knockout dumping Rafael out of his pod next to Miko and Jack on the hard packed dirt ground. He looked up at them and sneered, "Take your filthy, <em>disgusting <em>little pets and keep them _away_ from us." Then, before the Bots could respond, he stormed away and through a groundbridge.

Shaking off the confusion, each respective guardian rushed to scoop up their charge and check them over for injuries. As Ratchet scanned each of them, Arcee exclaimed, "What was _that _all about?"

"Well," Miko replied. "Apparently the Cons don't like the idea of me showing them human interfacing with Raf or Jack."

They all stared in shock while Bulkhead promptly passed out.


End file.
